Teej is inherently patriarchal.

Why Teej cannot be truly reclaimed for all

The Nepali Hindu festival Teej, celebrated by women fasting without even a drop of water for an entire day for the long life of their husbands—or, in the case of unmarried women, to wish for a husband like Lord Shiva, a Hindu god—is the epitome of cisheteronormative patriarchy.

Sure, there is gathering together and eating and dancing done by women—a wonderful component of the festival too—which with time has evolved into parties and feasts and women being drunk and unapologetically loud, which they should be, because why should men have all the fun?

But can that really be a reclamation of a festival that is ultimately about worshipping men?

I do believe women can reclaim Teej and adapt it to being a festival of sisterhood and women coming together and enjoying just being themselves in a society that restrains them. But that reclamation comes with a question: who gets to actually reclaim Teej? That’d obviously be women with access and power—mostly upper-class and caste, or urban-born and raised women.

It’s not to say that while some women don’t have the choice to reclaim or are still feeling the pressure of husband-worshipping, other women cannot make Teej about sisterhood and having fun. But can Teej really be hailed as being reclaimed while it’s not the same for most women? Have we as a society already reached a point where Teej becomes a matter of pride without the liberation of all women?

But again, this does not mean reclamation should stop. Women should be able to celebrate however they choose to—even if it involves husband-worshipping. But it becomes more than a choice when you are wearing a veil of patriarchy and think you have agency when you make it about devotion to your husband.

Yes, you can be devoted to your spouse, but Teej has never been about spouse devotion, has it? It has always been about the husband—put him on a pedestal and treat him like a god.

Sure, your husband can be a god for you, but does the husband feel the same? Even if he does personally, he wouldn’t admit it, because he was born and raised in this society that feeds him a superiority complex while his wife has always been taught to serve him and she comes secondary to him.

And even when she puts him first, fasting for him, but dares to incorporate some fun, the same husbands lose their shit. I’ve seen men fume over clips of women having fun, drinking beers, and dancing unapologetically. It’s worth noticing that women only get to do that a few days in a year, while men get to do it all year round. And even then, men don’t have to put up with moral policing or shame.

Shouldn’t these men actually focus on how their women put their health at risk by not even drinking a drop of water for the whole day?? Because I literally also saw a clip of a woman fainting like few hours ago, and I’m sure she’s not the only one.

I lowkey do wish men also fasting with their wives and really try to be an equal at least for the sake of it. But then again, I don’t see men doing it, because why would men be bothered to do that? Men have never felt that pressure to fast or the urge to fit in with other men to worship gods for a good wife. I’m not even gonna say spouse here because this festival is so fucking hetero-coded, my god—like queers don’t even become a part of the conversation.

Speaking of the pressure women feel, my grandfather’s sister, who is around 80 I think, got married while she was 6 but lost her husband at 7, and has never been remarried, but she still to this day feels the need to fast without even a drop of water. Now tell me that patriarchy has not done a number on her.

My mother, almost 60, also does the same—ever since she knew, she has been fasting without even a drop of water. I try telling her to at least drink some water and eat fruits, but so far I have failed to penetrate that patriarchy-infused stubbornness.

She won’t eat or drink even if my father tells her to, because 1. old habits die hard, and when those habits are systemically built around rigid dogma, they do not die. And 2. my father or me telling her on just one day of the year is not gonna cut through her hardwired, taught willingness. Because do we do it the rest of the year? Do we, and men, really work on dismantling patriarchy the rest of the year—or ever?

So when men complain about women fainting due to fasting, we too are complicit in that occurring. Therefore, a woman wasn’t alone in leading herself to faint. Nor should her fainting be about romanticizing the suffering women endure for their husbands’ longevity. Get outta here with that bs!

So to end my rant—without slipping into any savior complex—let’s be real: most religions are about serving men. Most traditions passed down for generations are about placing men above all. Sure, we can modify and adapt them to be less cruel to one gender, and in that process maybe Teej can be reclaimed—or at least reshaped.

But in doing so, it is imperative that we do not downplay the fact that Teej, at its core, is and always has been patriarchal.